Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Where are all the Sugar Puffs gone?

Between the university and my apartment there are four convenience stores. This evening, none of them had Sugar Puffs. This includes the brand spanking new Tesco Express, which has four different types of vinegar in stock. Four different types of vinegar, but not one type of Sugar Puffs. The petrol station shop just the far side of my apartment also has no Sugar Puffs. Nor does the regular Tesco supermarket. The brand new super giant hyper Tesco-saurus had them at the weekend, but that’s a good 12 kilometers away. Is that your game Tesco? Buy up all the Sugar Puffs, and use them to lure me out to your new meganormous store, in the hope that while there, and high on the relief of finding Sugar Puffs, that I’ll buy a giant 80inch HDTV, and some cheap t-shirts, and a food blender? Well it won’t work!! Bastards!

I had only just last week rediscovered the joys of Sugar Puffs. Winter has set in, I’m back at college, and expected to work, and I decided to break a months long stint of Alpen puritanism and bring a bit of sugary joy to my breakfast. Sugar Puffs were perfect; like Rice Krispies, they’re mostly made up of air, but they have just enough sugary deliciousness, without slipping into sickening over-sweet territory. I had to buy Crunchie Nut Corn Flakes this evening as a replacement. Now, don’t get me wrong, Crunchie Nut Corn Flakes are grand; even nice, but they are no Sugar Puffs. They’re too damned heavy, for one thing. You’d only ever manage to eat at least two bowls in a sitting; possibly three, if you were working on an empty stomach. You’d certainly not manage four. Sugar Puffs though? You could eat a box if you wanted! And frankly, right now, I would want. Kelloggs, when they made their version of Sugar Puffs. called them Smacks, and I really can’t believe that the similarity with the slang name for a popular addictive drug is a coincidence. I want my Sugar Puffs and somebody, probably Tesco, is stopping me. It’s time to shit things up...


  1. last time i visited a super giant hyper Tesco-saurus (in Finglas) i came home with a hoover, a stewpot and a military-style jacket that doesn't even fit me. i think i went in for milk. it's a conspiracy.

  2. Coco Pops are the ones I get addicted to. Or to use their street name, Cracko Smackcharlies.

    Get thee to the milkshakeatorium and buy a Crunchy Nut shake, they're delicious. Or get a Weetabix one, which isn't delicious, and has roughly the same mass as a dying star. You'll feel like a fucking boss if you down it all.

  3. Eli, I was never a one for Coco Pops. I never liked the milk turning chocolatey. If that makes me a racist, then fine.

    Rosie, those places scare me a little. I lose the run of myself entirely. Last time I was there, I bought a bowl and some spoons (which I didn't need) and I nearly bought a running bottle designed for joggers, despite not being a jogger. I think they put floride in the air...

  4. There is a set of Sugar Puffs pyjamas in Topshop. Being nicely tall I doubt that they would fit you but I'm sure you could fashion some sort of charming pillow case from the material