Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A job I'd like to have:

Coming up with the names for men's deodorants. Tiger Smoke. Sex Punch. Loin Elixir.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I still believe in romance

This Valentine's Day, I'm going to buy a ring (a cheap one, not a permanent engagement ring, just something to have when popping the question), I'm going to book a table for two in a swanky restaurant, put on my best suit, buy a bunch of roses, and when I get to the restaurant, I'm going to give the ring to the waitress to bring out in a glass of champagne with dessert. Then, I'm going to sit there, eating bread rolls and looking gradually more and more nervous as my date never arrives. I might try to ring her a few times, but I won't get through. Eventually, I'll read a text message on my phone and will look completely crushed, as my true love has dumped me, via text, on Valentine's Day, as I waited to propose to her. If this doesn't get me pity sex from one of the waitresses, nothing will!